I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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