So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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