He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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