You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
