Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
