Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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