I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
