It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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