Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
