I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
