I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
