what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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