and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
