Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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