bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
