How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
