Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
