Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize