Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
