Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
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