i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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