fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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