you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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