did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
It's shark week go big or go home
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
