I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
