I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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