Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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