grandma shit on top of the toilet
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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