we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
My ass is underappreciated
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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