Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Randomize
