OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
