bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
wrigley field is MILF paradise
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
