I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Randomize
