I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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