look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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