listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
