A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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