I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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