She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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