His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
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