You made me cry and you don't even care
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
