my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
A+ Viking dick
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
