Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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