So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
