well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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