you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
