Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
