just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize