I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
