Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
