im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
So many bounce houses so little time
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
