he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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