so explain again why im purple
no
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
