apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Randomize
