I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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