So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
