you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
