If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
this hospital has no fireball
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
