Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
