is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
