i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Randomize
