Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
no you cant smoke seaweed
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
