have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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