Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
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