so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
