Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
