I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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