Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
