I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
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