Duck Duck Cougar?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
