"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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