her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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