community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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