If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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