you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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