I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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