He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
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So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
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I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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