Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
cat food counts as protein by the way
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
