we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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