Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
