Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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