u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
