oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Randomize
